It’s about you

It’s not about them or about anybody else, it’s about you! You’re so afraid of commitment that you can’t think straight. You just think that the other person will appear and magically make everything better. They can’t do that, they’re only human! Don’t indulge in sappy, romantic ilusions that have been imprinted in your mind by hundreds of rom-coms, that’s not what love is about! Love doesn’t consist of boxes of chocolates, drunken sex, pebbles in the window, and romantic kisses at the airport. Love is about sacrifice, about putting the other person first, it’s about the fights you have, the tears you spill, the doubts that somehow creep inside your mind, the late night talks and every other small thing that makes love beautiful. And even if sometimes it may hurt, it may make you insane, it’s all worth it. And if you’re gonna start running from love just because you think it’s supposed to be some magical, sparkly, pink potion that will make you fly above cloud 9 then you’re gonna miss out on an amazing ride through life.

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When I first met you…

When I first met you, you smelled like nicotine and cologne, I smelled like coffee and old books.

When I first met you, I saw stars in your eyes, you saw pain in mine.

When I first met you, you spoke so smoothly and easy, I was choking on my words.

When I first met you, you already knew I was the one, I denied it.

When I first met you, you were brave, I was scared.

When I first met you, you tried to get closer, I tried to get further.

When I first met you, you wanted to see the world, I wanted to hide.

When I first met you, you wanted to love, I wanted to disappear

When I first met you, you fell in love and so did I.

Ce e un suflet pereche?

Ei bine, e un fel de cel mai bun prieten doar ca…e mai mult de atat.

E singura persoana care te cunoaste mai bine decat te cunosti tu.

E persoana ce te face mai bun, defapt tu te faci mai bun, ea doar te inspira.

E persoana ce iti sterge lacrimile de fiecare data cand esti trist si iti imita zambetul de fiecare data cand esti fericit.

E singura persoana care iti vede sclipirea din ochi si frica din suflet.

E singura persoana care te ia si cu bune si cu rele.

E singura persoana care e acolo inainte de furtuna, in timpul ei si dupa ce trece.

E singura persoana care iti va spune intotdeauna adevarul, si care te va tine cu picioarele pe pamant.

E persoana in jurul careia poti fi cel mai adevarat tu.

Si, indiferent de ceea ce se va intampla, o vei iubi mereu.

I might be a little broken

Nothing but something as thin as a piece of paper separates me from the truth. A truth that I do not want to accept. My heart recognizes it but my mind denies it with a passion. It makes me confused, sad, angry, a mix of emotions that dances around the back of my mind. I’m acting like it’s not there, I have learned to live with it but from time to time it comes out, and each time it hurts me more than before. Memories that leave traces on my tongue along with the last kiss that you have imprinted on my dry lips last night. I am lying and not to the world but to myself, I am lying that everything is fine, that nothing is going to happen but in reality I am watching my ilusion shatter before my eyes. I see it happening in slow motion, my mind wants to do something to stop but my body becomes numb, unable to move at a reasonable pace. It’s killing me from the inside, it breaks me into pieces, it’s burning my flesh.

I am me

I am my own person. I am the one I’ve created. I am the green tea that swirls my tongue in happines, I am the music that blasts in my ear and holds me tight when no one else does, I am the sweet hugs I give my friends, I am the advice I have given and have received, I am the mistakes I have made, I am the clothes I wear that aren’t quite fashionable, I am the fake smiles that paint my face, I am the stories I write, I am the dreams I have, I am the pain and happiness that I feel, I am the voice in my head that I have conversations with when no one else is around, I am the love I feel for people and earth, I am the joy I feel when I pet a cute cat or dog, I am the books I read, I am the flaws that embrace my body, but I am not the things that people say about me.

Cum?

Cum se poate ca vorbele tale sa fie atat de pline de sentimente,

Insa tu sa fii doar o umbra goala

De care m-am lovit ieri?

O amintire a unei intamplari

Ce imi danseaza prin minte?

Unde e sclipirea?

Unde e tipatul fericirii?

Vreau sa stiu unde le-ai pierdut.

Poate intr-o balta lasata de ploaia de saptamana trecuta

Sau poate intr-un colt al camerei in care ai spart pahare.

Cauta sclipirea si pune-o inapoi in ochii tai

 

Introduction

My name is Denisa, I am 20 years old and I am flawed. Yes, flawed! As bad as it can get. I am not writing this to make myself relatable, to make myself feel special and unique or to receive compliments. I am writing this because I don’t know who I am, because I have lost myself in the day between yesterday and today. A day that settled just in my mind, a day that my imagination created, stretching time just to elongate my agony. I have been lost and found and lost again. I’ve been oscillating between miserable and horrible. At one point I’ve been emptied of all that humans call feelings. I couldn’t draw anything between seconds, neither happiness nor hate. It was an empty void that was eating me from the inside while I rotted away in my own little world that I called life. My eyes were hollowed and silent, they would only flinch at the sight of light that became so unbearable. In between short breaths I could hear my heartbeat and it only made me wonder how was it possible that it still existed. My heart was now nothing more than a mechanism that pumped blood in my thin veins so I wouldn’t die. It’s terrifying how easily this fragile construction of bones breaks down in slow motion.